I would like to relate an experience that happened two
years ago during Xmas 2004. (It was my first trip to
I arrived there as a young member, ignorant but with an
open mind. On the first day, I sat all the way at the
back of the hall and could only see a tiny image of
Swami. I felt no connection to Him at all and I wondered
if He knew of my existence or that I have come so far to
see Him. During the next few days, for some reason
or another, we kept moving forward until I could see
Swami's face but still, He did not even look my way.
There were so many doubts in my mind.
Along came the practices for International Xmas Choir so
I jumped at the opportunity to sing for Swami. (It had
been my secret wish to be able to sing to Him in person
at Prashanti!) Discipline was a top requirement so I
dutifully attended all practices on time for five whole
days. The hours were long and we had to rush from one
place to another every day, sometimes even skipping
meals, but I kept to it diligently hoping that the
reward would be well worth all the effort. It was at
these practice sessions where I met several wonderful
sisters from various countries. There was one lady from
UK in her early thirties and though we were strangers,
gave so much love and encouragement to me.
At noon on Xmas eve, I was among the early birds to join
the queue under the hot sun in order to be in the front
lines. When we entered the hall, I was exalted that I
was seated in the 8th row in front of Swami's verandah.
Suddenly, a sevadal told me to move to the other end of
the hall because they had decided to cut the rows
shorter at the last minute. My heart sank as I pleaded
with her not to send me away as I had worked so hard to
get to where I was. My English friend then stood up and
asked everyone in the front to move forward in order to
fit me in. I was so thankful to her, but the fact
remained that there was barely a space for me to sit and
I WAS out of line. Refusing to give up, I bundled myself
together and held on
and kept praying hard to Swami to help me.
Soon after, the sevadals came again but instead of
ordering me away, they made another line next to me and
placed three women there. Half an hour later, it was
almost time to begin but no one came to fill up the rest
of the empty space. My legs were beginning to cramp, my
back hurt, and my mind was in total chaos. The sisters
in the other lines took pity on me and told me to slide
over to the empty space. This I did gratefully but I
waited in fear of being ordered to move again. I have
never felt so disheartened and so rejected.
Soon, the air was charged with excitement. Swami was on
His way! I waited in anticipation as I was so close to
Him, but again, He went by without even a glance at me.
He walked slowly up to the verandah, cut the cake and
blessed everyone, and later when He sat down, I realized
that He was looking straight at me. He had a very stern
look on His face and yet, it was so full of love. It was
at that moment when it dawned on me that He had heard
all my prayers! He had created that empty space for me
at the last hour after all the challenges that I went
through so that I could fulfill my wish to sing to Him!
And so I did - I sang my heart out to Him and I got a
full darshan of Him for a whole hour! And I also did the
most foolish thing - I cried all the way! It was the
happiest and most rewarding hour of my life!
On Xmas morning, I sat behind a huge pillar and could
hardly see Swami but my heart was so close to Him that I
could still feel Him looking at me. There was an
Australian lady who was so sick so my English friend and
I took care of her till the end of the session.
On Xmas afternoon, I sat even further back but my heart
was still in very close proximity with Swami. I could
feel His presence everywhere, even by looking at His
pictures! Distance no longer became an issue!
It was a journey that changed my life. I came home, no
more a novice, no longer ignorant. I have met the
nameless God whom I have prayed to all my life. This
nameless form has merged with Swami and from then on,
there is only one God in my life now. He is real and He
is here living amongst us, to guide us back to Him. What
more should we seek for but Him and only Him!!!