The hit and run accident and
on the spot passing over of
my 18 year old son on this
years' Valentine day at a
Flyover in Delhi left me in
a state of shock. In fact,
when I was rushing to the
hospital after hearing about
accident of my son I was
sure nothing would have
happened to him. But I was
totally in for a shock when
I found his body in the
mortuary at AIIMS. First
words that came out of my
sobbing husband were 'Woh
chala gaya. Tere SaiBaba
jhoote nikle'.
I could not believe how
could Baba do this to me as
I was always so devoted to
Baba not only during crisis
but even during happy times.
I always chatted with him as
if I were talking to a
friend. I was always
thankful and grateful to him
and always felt that I must
have done something very
nice in my previous birth to
deserve this kind of
happiness. After looking at
the lifeless body of my dear
son, I hated Baba. What was
the use of so much of
devotion, belief and faith
in Baba when he could not
save my son's life. Maybe I
was worshipping the wrong
God. I was content with
whatever I had, I did not
crave for more but still
Baba gave me this pain,
which was so unbearable. Was
there any Baba at all or
not? If I have to suffer for
consequences of my karma, in
any case, what was the use
of praying to Baba? He could
not save my son's life. May
be 'meri bhakti mein shakti
nahin'. I don't know what
type of devotion do you
want, I asked Baba. If you
do not like my way of
devotion then I will not
worship Baba or anybody, I
resolved in my mind and was
also vocal about it to other
Baba devotees.
Everyone coming to us for
condolences was also
wondering how could somebody
who was religious,
worshipped and had so much
faith in Baba suffer like
this. I also asked Baba how
he was feeling - 'tumhari
badnami ho rahi hai'. In
fact, I had sent a letter to
Baba on the day of this
accident itself through my
friend (incidentally called
Shama and a true Sai Baba
devotee) who was going to
Shirdi with a request to
call my husband, our two
sons and me to Shirdi. But
my son passed over even
before the letter reached
Shirdi. My friend got my SMS
when she reached Shirdi. She
informed that this was the
first time she forgot to
take sweets for Baba with
her from Delhi as was her
normal practice. So she went
to Samadhi mandir without
sweets and she said Baba was
looking sad that day. I knew
I was crying and so was
Baba.
Later on, when I was little
more composed and I
reflected on the events that
had happened a few months
before my son's physical
departure on 14th Feb, 07, I
could sense all the things
Baba had been doing for me.
In my grief I was just not
able to understand. I was
wailing all the time as to
why Baba did not save him.
My son could have been hurt
badly but he need not have
left us forever like this.
How will I worship Baba
after this? But something in
me was telling me that even
Baba was shedding tears with
me. But still my faith was
shaking. Shradha and Saburi
were just looking
meaningless to me and I did
not want to believe in any
God for it seemed useless to
me now.
When I joined my duties in
office, I took out my diary
where I write down some
important events of my life.
The last note I had written
was on 18th Aug, 06 which
caught my eye instantly. As
per my note, on the previous
day i.e, 17th Aug, 06, a
fibre murti of sitting
posture of Saibaba (one of
the two murtis I have) which
I had been worshipping for a
long time was accidentally
hit by a ball by my younger
son and it fell. Even though
it was made of an
unbreakable material, it
broke. Baba's head was
severed from rest of the
body and I was shocked. I
had recorded this in my
diary note and written 'what
problem of mine have you
taken on yourself Baba'.
Incidentally, my elder son
(who is no more now) went
with us to the bank of the
Yamuna to drown the murti
properly, while all the time
I was feeling so sorry at
what had happened and kept
asking for forgiveness. As
time passed, the memory of
this mishap faded.
I was reminded of this
mishap only after my son
departed from this earth in
Feb, 07. It struck me that
Baba had perhaps given
extension of life to my son
by giving his head but still
I was not so sure about it.
But it did make sense
somehow because my son had
also succumbed to his head
injuries. For the six months
after breaking of 'murti'
both my husband and I were
spending a lot of
time with our elder son
without realizing that he
was to pass over soon while
Baba knew this all and the
following records how he did
this:
? My husband holds a senior
post in a central PSU.
During Aug, 06 end, he had
some altercation with the
top most level following
which he was suddenly
transferred, posted and
relieved immediately to join
at a remote area in central
India which was not even a
family station. He left and
joined there but after few
days he fell sick suddenly.
He said he never ever felt
sick like this before.
? My elder son went all
alone (on his first trip) by
a late night train to give
support to his sick father.
One week later, both of them
returned to Delhi and my son
told me not to send his papa
back to that remote station
as there was no work at all
for him there and also that
if he goes there he will
fall sick. So in 25 years of
his service, my husband was
on leave for four months and
stayed at home with his late
son day and night. To give
moral support to my husband
I also took leave in between
and stayed at home. All
along my late son gave us
moral support. He would
encourage his father to quit
his government job and join
some MNC instead. Do not be
scared of anyone Papa, he
said.
? All efforts to reverse
these transfer orders,
either politically or even
administratively, were
failing and we were
wondering why this simple
problem was not getting
resolved. I used to pray to
Baba to do whatever was good
for us and also to make us
strong enough to withstand
this professional crisis.
Those days my prayers to
Baba had increased manifold.
All the time I was doing
'naam jaap'. I could not
sleep properly, so at night
also, I would keep looking
at Baba's picture in my
bedroom and ask him why this
was happening. My intensity
had increased so much that I
could now compose and even
sing Baba's bhajans with
zeal all the time, sure that
something would work out and
my husband would ultimately
join his duties. All we
needed was to have Shraddha
and Saburi. Baba knows what
is good for us and why He is
doing this, for He only
knows the whole plan of our
life while we only see our
life in bits and pieces. Our
life had come to a
standstill.
? Both my husband and I were
on leave, so we would go to
various malls etc and every
time we would end up
purchasing things for my
elder son only. His clothes,
his shoes, his belt, his
gloves etc. At home I would
end up cooking his favourite
food etc. Obviously, Baba
had given us time to spend
with our son. My son who did
not believe in God earlier
began going to Gurudwaras
with full devotion on every
Sunday. He even changed
password of his computer to
'saibaba'. He visited
Saibaba temple also with us
on the New Year. He said, he
did that to make me happy.
He became so attached to me
in last few months that he
began discussing everything
under the sun with me, his
smoking, his girlfriend and
his after college
activities. I was so happy
at this special bond that we
established with each other
during his last few months.
And to think today that Baba
was behind all this.
My son became so religious,
calm, mature, helpful,
compassionate and
understanding in his last
months. Baba was doing all
this and internally changing
all of us. He was keeping us
together during the
extension of life that he
gave to our son. With Baba's
blessings, my son had
developed so much of wisdom
that he knew how, when and
where he would pass over. Of
course, we came
to know these details only
after he crossed over to the
spiritual world leaving us
in tears. His favorite rock
band is named 'Nirvana'. I
have placed his small
picture in the lap of Baba's
'murti' in my home because I
know he is in Baba's light
now. And how do I know this.
Three things happened in the
space of one month each.
1. During the mourning
period of 12 days, I was so
upset that I would tell
everyone that my praying to
God did not help in saving
my son's life so I have
stopped believing in God.
One unknown lady came to
meet me especially in those
days and told me that though
she did not know me she
wanted to meet me and tell
my that my son was in a very
happy and blissful state and
that I should not mourn his
passing over as he had been
called to God's home for his
further higher spiritual
education. She referred to
Yogananada's Geeta and some
of its extracts that she had
brought with her. I felt a
bit comfortable and when she
left I saw a SaiBaba sticker
on the rear glass of her car
and I thought how kind of
Baba to have sent her to
comfort me.
2. One month after this,
when I was alone, I wept
bitterly in front of Baba's
murti and prayed from the
depth of my heart. I asked
Baba, 'why did you not save
my son Baba? He could have
been hurt but need not have
gone. Where were you? Unless
you give me a reply to this
question yourself I will not
believe anyone. I compared
myself to His devotee ' the
doubting Hari Kanoba'
mentioned in Satcharita.
Half an hour later, my
husband came and suggested
that we see the SaiBaba
serial on Star plus. I said
that the serial must be over
and I don't want to see it
anyway. But he insisted that
we see the last scene at
least. So the TV was
switched on. The scene was
where Bhagat Mahalsapati is
forced by Baba to go home
and when he reaches there
reluctantly, his sons dies
in his arms singing Baba's
aarti. Everybody around is
surprised as to why Baba
could not save his favourite
devotee's son's life.
SaiBaba tells Mahalasapati
that even Krishna, God
himself, could not save
Pandavas sons. Your son was
meant to be with you for
this much time only. This
all 'lena dena' is due to
our 'rinanubandh'.
Therefore, one should not
grieve. If Baba had not sent
him home he would not have
been able to meet his son at
the end. Similarly, Baba had
arranged circumstances in
such a way that my husband
spent his leave with his son
during his last six months.
Not to mention that my
husband was lucky he kept
away from that controversial
posting because later on
various enquiries were
ordered and my husband was
saved as he was on leave.
Thanks to Baba.
I had a dream around one
week before my dear son
passed away. In my dream, I
saw pictures of mostly all
the Gods ? Shiva, Krishna,
Rama, Bhagawati etc ? but
SaiBaba's sitting posture
statute was lying on the
floor with a white cloth all
over it. Only the forehead
was partially visible so
that I could recognize it
was SaiBaba. I could not
understand this dream and I
asked my dear friend Shama
why I could see faces of
other Gods while Baba's face
was covered with white
cloth. What did this mean?
Even she could not figure
out but felt that it meant
that I had blessings of Baba
and that Baba is with me.
However, one week later when
we went to the mortuary to
identify my son's body, I
saw a similar white cloth on
his body. Only his forehead
was partially visible and as
he had long gold tinted
hair, I could identify my
son immediately. It looked
similar to the way I saw
Baba's statute covered with
white cloth in my dream. Was
Baba trying to tell me that
there was no difference
between Him and my son. In
fact, I started looking up
to Baba as my loving son
there after. I feel that
dream was Baba's message to
me about my destiny.
3. One month after this,
while meditating in the
garden, I had a beautiful
vision. I was meditating in
my living room at home.
Suddenly, my late son walked
in wearing a red Nike
T-shirt and asked me 'why
are you sleeping Maa'. I
replied that if I opened my
eyes, he would go away. He
said that he will not go
away and that I should get
up. As I opened my eyes I
saw him standing there and
he pointed towards, Sai Baba
who was standing next to
him. I was totally choked
and cried, 'you have brought
SaiBaba for me'. Then I fell
down at Baba's feet and
thanked him so much. I could
distinctly feel Baba's
off-white thick clothes.
Baba said 'Now you can see
that your son is with me.
You were unnecessarily
crying'. I thanked Baba and
requested him to give my son
what he wanted. Baba asked
'What'. I said 'Give him
Nirvana'. Suddenly Baba
produced a flame shaped
bright light. My son walked
into it and spread his arms
in happiness once he was
inside it and said 'Thankyou
Maa'. The vision was over. I
realized I was in garden
still meditating.
Today, my husband also
believes that SaiBaba had
actually given my son an
extension of life for a few
months. What was predestined
had to happen and it
happened ultimately. But by
this vision, Baba showed me
that my son was with Him. Of
course, being a mother, I
feel the pain of losing my
teenage son but I am
thankful to SaiBaba for
taking him in his light. I
am sure that my son has
ultimately got his Sadgati,
thanks to Baba. I feel
blessed.
My son, you are indeed very
very lucky. Maa loves you
forever.
Vandana Ritik, New Delhi
Source:
http://forum.spiritualindia.org/printpage.htm;topic=19584.0.