By Ms. S. Lakshmi
An alumna of the
Anantapur campus of Sri
Sathya
Sai
University, Ms. S. Lakshmi
completed her Bachelors in
Sciences in 1990. She
continued in the same campus
for one more year to pursue
her Bachelors in Education.
She has authored many books
in English which includes “A
Comprehensive Life Sketch of
Shirdi Sai Baba” and “Venka
Avadhootha”. Additionally,
she has also translated
“Autobiography of Peda Bottu”
and “Divine Revelations”
from Telugu to English.
Currently, she is pursuing
her Ph. D in English
Literature from Sri
Venkateswara
University.
My
tryst with Divinity began long
before I made my tryst with the
world. For, my mother was an
ardent devotee of Bhagavan Sri
Sathya Sai Baba right from her
childhood. And, my father, a
devout follower of Shirdi Sai
Baba. I had my first darshan of
Swami in Shivam, His abode in
Hyderabad, even as I was on my
mother’s lap, merely eight
months old. Swami blessed me and
told my mother that I would be
in Puttaparthi and that He would
take care of me.
Faith and love for God were,
therefore, two things I
inculcated from my very
childhood, thanks to Swami’s
blessings and my two wonderful
parents. Even as a child, I
loved my father very much, and
therefore had great love for
Shirdi Baba. My father taught me
how to do japa
(chanting His name) and
dhyana (meditation). Shirdi
Baba would even appear in my
dreams and talk to me. My faith
in God grew as I felt His
constant presence, ready to
guide and guard me.
‘Seek Only True Bliss’ -
Baba
When I completed school, my
grandfather passed away. This
was my first personal experience
with death. The pain and anguish
of losing a beloved grandparent
left a deep vacuum within me, an
emptiness that sought to be
consoled and comforted. I prayed
to God for solace, that He grant
me the understanding and
fortitude to accept the
inexorable reality.
That night I dreamt of Bhagavan
for the first time.
Swami said,
“Yad
Drushyam Tad Nashyam.
Whatever we see with our eyes is
evanescent. Whatever we do not
see, but can still experience,
is true. So, do not cry for
illusory things. Come out of
maya and seek only true
bliss.” Later, I
saw Him lying down on a cot in a
room. On the door to the room
was written ‘Room No. 43’. Swami
said,
“Come! I will give you place
here and help you attain bliss.”
That was His clarion call to me.
And I simply knew that I wanted
to be with Him.
I
told my father that I wanted to
apply to Swami’s college at
Anantapur, while my father
wanted me to pursue Engineering.
I did not want to disappoint him
either so I wrote the
Engineering Entrance Examination
too. I got through both.
However, by Bhagavan’s grace, my
father agreed to send me to the
Anantapur Campus of Sri Sathya
Sai University. This could
happen only because Bhagavan had
willed it so. For hadn’t He
promised my mother when I was an
infant?
Wonder of wonders, the day I
joined Swami’s college in
Anantapur, I was put in Room No.
43! I had barely come out of my
elation, when, within minutes,
an announcement was made saying
that Swami had called all of us
to Puttaparthi. My joy knew no
bounds. And even before we knew,
we were all seated in the mandir,
waiting for His darshan.
“You and I are one” –
Baba
As soon as I saw
Him coming out, I
started reciting a
prayer within my
heart... (O Lord! You
are my mother and You
are my father. You are
my relative and You are
my friend too. You are
knowledge and wealth
unto me. You are my
all-in-all, O Lord Sai).
Bhagavan came, stood in
front of me, and said,
“You are my mother. You
are my father. What is
all this? Who are you?
And Who am I?” What a
statement! I could only
exult in His nectarine
omniscience, and bowed
down to Him. |
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That evening, I saw Bhagavan for
the first time in the holy abode
of Puttaparthi. As soon as I saw
Him coming out, I started
reciting a prayer within my
heart, a prayer that my mother
had taught me as a child –
Tvameva mata cha pita tvameva,
Tvameva bandhuscha sakha tvameva,
Tvameva vidya dravinam tvameva,
Tvameva sarvam mama sai deva
(O Lord! You are my
mother and You are my father.
You are my relative and You are
my friend too. You are knowledge
and wealth unto me. You are my
all-in-all, O Lord Sai).
Bhagavan came, stood in front of
me, and said,
“You are my mother. You are my
father. What is all this? Who
are you? And Who am I?”
What a statement! I could only
exult in His nectarine
omniscience, and bowed down to
Him.
Life in the college was
beautiful. For even as I imbibed
academic lessons, prescribed by
the college syllabi, Bhagavan,
the Universal Chancellor, was
painstakingly teaching me a
lesson or two from the Cosmic
Syllabi – priceless personal
lessons in concepts of the
Divine Doership and the
Desirability of Surrender. To
share an instance, I was very
timid by nature. I was afraid of
talking to even a group of four
people. Once, it so happened
that I was to give a prayer talk
in the college auditorium.
I
tried my best to wriggle out of
my difficult situation but to no
avail. As the D-day approached,
my anxiety grew intense and so
did my prayers. The
Compassionate Lord appeared in
my dream, and said,
“You stand. I shall speak.”
In the dream, Swami
actually made me speak even as
He told me what I should be
saying, and in what sequence.
Letting God Speak
I
got up in the morning, relieved
and thrilled, and jotted down
all that Swami had told me.
Needless to say, the prayer talk
was well-received, not only
because Swami had authored the
content, but also because I had
spoken in the comforting
knowledge that it was not me but
He who was speaking, that I was
merely a mouthpiece of the
Divine Flutist. And that to me,
was a big lesson from Bhagavan
on the sweetness of surrender;
that I was just an instrument in
His hands, and He was the Doer.
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The author receiving
a prize from
the divine hands
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And if a little trace of fear
remained within, Swami removed
even that completely, by
advising me, on another
occasion. He said,
“You are neither a beast to
scare others nor an animal to be
afraid of someone. Always keep
repeating ‘I am God’.”
That statement from Bhagavan
gave me lot of self-confidence.
And one of its several benefits
has been to exorcise my fear of
public speaking, transforming
it, instead, into a thrilling
exercise in advaitic
surrender!
Swami’s nectarine lessons did
not end with our stay as
students. He continued to give
us glimpses into His
enlightening omniscience, even
as we had completed our studies
and had returned joyfully to
attend the Summer Course in
Indian Culture and Spirituality.
In fact, Swami Himself had
invited us, outgoing students,
to the Summer Course, which He
said He would be reviving again
from that year. The year was
1991.
During the Summer Course, in the
afternoons, Swami would pass
through our dining hall, go
through a particular door into
the boys’ hostel, have His meal
there, and return via the same
door. We all scrambled to sit
near that door as Swami usually
spoke to the first girl sitting
there, asking questions like
“What is the curry?” or “Is
everything tasty?” or “Are you
eating in the first batch or
second batch?” and so on. Bitten
by the Divine frenzy, I too
would rush to occupy that
coveted spot, and secure for
myself the first place.
He Knows Even the
Rasam!
One day, I noticed that the
rasam (a south Indian side
dish) looked like tap water
sprinkled with chilly powder.
Nevertheless, when I sat to have
my lunch, I found the rasam
so tasty that I kept licking my
fingers. That day, I missed the
first place and was second in
line. Within a short while,
Swami came and asked the first
girl,
“What is the curry today?”
She replied, “Rajma” and Swami
joked,
“Oh Rajmatha!” I was
feeling bad as He would not talk
to me that day.
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The good ol' darshan
days
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Hardly had the thought crossed
my mind, Swami, who was now
standing before the third girl,
turned back and asked me,
“Hey! Rasam Kaisa
Hai (How was the rasam)?”
I immediately said, “Very tasty
Swami.” Swami made a mischievous
face and said impishly,
“Tap water! Chilly powder!”
He knew what I thought
in my heart, the very words! I
learnt the delectable lesson
never to criticize food even in
my thoughts. Food was God, and
criticizing food was tantamount
to criticizing God. Even if I
did, He would know it instantly!
For, there was nothing one could
hide from the All-knowing
Bhagavan.
When I completed studies in June
1991, I was fortunate enough to
be selected by Bhagavan, among
ten others, to work in His Super
Speciality Hospital at
Puttaparthi, which was to be
inaugurated in November that
year. Bhagavan gave us an
interview, and then sent us to
Brindavan to undergo a four
months’ training program at
various hospitals in Bangalore.
Food and transportation too were
arranged by Bhagavan. Not just
that, Swami told us that He
would personally come to see how
we were progressing with our
training, and even asked us to
write letters to Him once a
week.
So
it was that the ten of us were
accommodated in a spacious
cottage. We had a huge hall to
sleep in and also a store room
to keep our belongings. The hall
had two fans running at full
speed, and I slept right under
one of them.
An Amazing Rescue from
Rotating Blades
One night, while I was fast
asleep, I dreamt that something
was falling on me, and I was
simply repeating Swami's name.
Meanwhile, my friends tried to
wake me up, and I got up
wondering why they had to
disturb me from a deep sleep.
That is when I realized that the
fan had actually fallen on me! I
had felt a warm sensation but
nothing else had happened.
Instead, it seemed as if the fan
had borne the brunt of the fall.
Two of the blades were bent in
an L-shape, while the other one
was straight.
“Grace is there.
If not, when the fan
fell, your neck would
have been chopped off.
You have written that
Brindavan song and also
that Swami does not talk
to you, look at you and
does not bother about
you. If I am not always
with you, then who do
you think protected you?
Is it possible to bend
the blades of the fan in
an L-shape?” He
continued, pointing at
me, “You were sleeping
like a buffalo, not
bothering to see if the
nuts and bolts are tight
or not. Never say that
Swami is not with you. " |
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Moreover, the fan was carefully
placed away, as if to avoid any
injury to my body. In fact, I
was the only one who had heard
nothing. Our neighbours had all
come running, when they heard
the loud thud. They all said
that I should thank Swami for
saving my life. But I took the
incident for granted, and
neither thanked Swami nor
mentioned the incident in my
weekly letters to Him. Instead,
I slept as ever, peaceful,
unmindful of the entire episode.
And, over a period of time, I
totally forgot about the
incident.
A
few weeks later, Swami came to
Brindavan. But our training
program was such that a van
would come to pick us up from
the ashram and take us
to the city at 6.30 a.m. sharp.
And we would return to the
ashram at around 6 in the
evening. That meant, we missed
both morning and evening
darshans.
Though we were living in the
ashram, right behind
Swami's residence, we could not
see Swami for two days. Our
hearts longed for Swami’s
darshan. And we poured out
our hearts to Him through
letters in which we reproached
Swami for not looking at us, not
talking to us, not concerned
about us, and so on. We even
quoted a song Brindavanam
adi andaridi govindudu andari
vadene (the Krishna of
Brindavan belongs to all). But
we berated Swami as kondari
vadene meaning (belonging
to only a few).
On
the following day, we were
desperate to have Swami’s
darshan, even if it meant
missing out on our Hospital
visit. So we prayed hard so that
our van would not turn up and
take us away. The all-merciful
Bhagavan would have arrested the
movement of the vehicle
somewhere, for even at 8.30
a.m., there was still no sign of
the van. Meanwhile, the
darshan music had started.
So, we requested a lady
volunteer to permit us to sit
near the gate. This gate is
exactly opposite to the one
which Swami uses for going out
to give darshan. There
were only animals gamboling near
our gate. We knew that Swami
would never look at our side but
we were feeling wonderful to see
Him, at least, from that
distance.
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"I am always with
you, in you, around
you, above you,
below you"
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As
we sat watching the rabbits and
deer, Swami came out and looked
at us. We were thrilled that He
had noticed us from that
distance. Swami then
went on to the other side of the
Trayee gate to give darshan,
and asked the volunteer,
“Why did you make My children
sit near that gate there? They
are My children, and they should
be sitting on the V.I.P lawn.”
That was Swami’s love
for His students, His property.
After darshan, the
volunteer came to us conveying
this message of Swami, and asked
us to be ready by 2:30 p.m. for
the evening darshan. We
were thrilled beyond words. At
that appointed time, we were all
ready to have a closer glimpse
of our Beloved Lord. As soon as
He came, Bhagavan asked,
Dasavatharalu,
Bagunnara? (How are you,
ten incarnations?)
We replied that we were all fine
by His grace. Swami then asked,
“Why did you not go to the
hospital today?”
I
replied, saying, “Swami, by Your
Grace, the van did not come, and
we are enjoying the fortune of
Your darshan”. Swami
then took some rice grains from
one of my friend’s plate, and
showering it on my head, said,
“Grace is there. If not,
when the fan fell, your neck
would have been chopped off. You
have written that Brindavan song
and also that Swami does not
talk to you, look at you and
does not bother about you. If I
am not always with you, then who
do you think protected you? Is
it possible to bend the blades
of the fan in an L-shape?”
He continued, pointing at me,
“You were sleeping like a
buffalo, not bothering to see if
the nuts and bolts are tight or
not. Never say that Swami is not
with you. I am always with you,
in you, around you, above you,
below you.”
I
did not open my mouth after
that. I was grateful to Bhagavan
for giving me a new life. I then
decided that this life given by
Him should be lived only for
Him. And ever since that day, I
stopped taking things for
granted and started thanking Him
for each and everything in my
life. Truly, a major lesson in
gratitude.
On
another occasion, Swami visited
the Hospital and asked out of
the blue,
“Where is prana (life
force)?” Each one gave a
different answer. But Swami was
not satisfied. Finally, He gave
the correct answer Himself,
Neelatho yada madhyastha
vidhyulekhe va bhasvara…
Like a blue flame of light,
prana moves between the
ninth and fourteenth ring of the
vertebral column. Heart is only
the main switch. If this blue
flame is off, then there is no
life.” A very vital
lesson, indeed, from the Divine
Physician.
Swami had the right answers.
But, at no point of time, did
Swami emphasize that He knew
everything. Since we got trained
at a Cancer Institution in
Bangalore, Bhagavan called the
doctors there for an interview.
He asked the group of doctors as
to what caused cancer. There
were generic answers like
‘tobacco’ and ‘smoking’, but
Swami was not happy with the
replies. He then said,
“Children don’t smoke, yet they
get cancer. You are all learned.
You know a lot in this field.
But, in my opinion, cancer is
caused by sugar.” Here
was the Lord, the Supreme
Specialist, humbling Himself
before a group of surgeons and
specialists. Many of them were
not devotees of Bhagavan.
Probably, that was the reason
why Swami used the words ‘in my
opinion’.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
Swami always says ‘Speak
obligingly. You may not always
be able to oblige a person but
you can always speak
obligingly.’ And here He was,
talking so lovingly, and with
concern for everyone. Another
important lesson Bhagavan
demonstrated before my eyes!
The ultimate lesson came during
one interview when Swami asked
me the meaning of my name
Lakshmi. I replied, “Goddess of
Wealth”. Swami then
clarified,
“No. There is much more than
that. The word Lakshmi comes
from the root word ‘Lakshma’
which means “a trace or copy”.
Lakshmi is a trace or copy of
Narayana, i.e, the Lord. If
there is a picture of Swami and
you trace it or make a copy of
it, someone who sees the trace
or copy will understand that it
is Swami’s. Likewise, your life
should be like a trace or copy
of God’s existence. Seeing you,
other people should know that
God exists. Come what may, your
faith should not shatter.”
My
life, thenceforth, has been an
endeavor to live up to the Ideal
Swami Himself charted for me.
Where do I begin, and how do I
wrap up the endless tales of His
infinite glory? I can only say
with utmost gratitude and
confidence – Whatever I am
today, I am because of Him.
Without Him I am a zero. He
always guides me, guards me and
protects me as the apple of His
eye. Every second I feel His
presence. For, is it not He, the
indweller within each and every
one of us, who is holding the
reigns of our souls, and taking
us along the journey of life?