As I look back on my upbringing, I was "very Roman Catholic" – even co-president of my parish's teen youth organisation when I was 17.

I was disciplined and respectful in my relations with girls and elders – wanting to be known as a good person, and to me the ten commandments were the perfect "measuring stick" to determine if I was being good. I particularly strived to be a peaceful person, not ever wanting to hurt anyone.

But this determination did not come from a positive love for God and others; rather it was based in a self-dislike and self-criticism which I wanted to overcome.

My experience of life and being a Christian was coloured by a strong belief that my nature, particularly as a male, was "selfish, hedonistic, and environmentally destructive" – and that my job as a Christian was to overcome my nature. God was "out there" or "up there" – distant, judging, punishing, loving you only if you were good.

After going to college in the mid 1960's, I found myself becoming "agnostic", neither believing nor disbelieving in God. I just didn't know. While I enjoyed being with friends and the priest at my university's Catholic centre, I fell away from the Catholic religion.

I felt attracted to Zen Buddhism as a practical "substitute" to nurture my inner growth, particularly as author Alan Watts introduced it to the West. In fact, it was his book "Myth and Ritual in Christianity" that first renewed my appreciation for the spirit of Jesus' teachings. In 1982, a deeper level of spirituality began to stir within me.

I found myself saying the word "Divine" without consciously thinking about it ahead of time. A new joy began to well up inside of me and I would make up little songs such as "Divine love, expressing through me, always draws to me all that I need."

The night just before Easter Sunday that year, I "accidentally" (are there any coincidences or accidents?) came across a film on TV called "The Lost Years of Jesus", produced by Richard Bock.

I watched the entire film, but when near the end it showed this Indian guru named Sathya Sai Baba, I paid little attention. Only later did I realise that Easter weekend was my first semi-aware contact with Baba.

Later that year, a good friend was reading "Man of Miracles" by Howard Murphet, chronicling many early experiences with Sai Baba. I had never ever sought an India spiritual teacher, but I asked to borrow the book.

Jesus: …that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. I have given the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. (John 17:21, 23)  

St. Paul : He who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:17)  

St. John : God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16) 

St. Teresa of Avila : The Lord appears in the centre of the soul, not in an imaginative vision… One can say no more than that the soul, I mean the spirit, is made one with God.

Yet all of this has been just the beginning. My journey with Sai Baba and Jesus, which started (at least in my own awareness) one Easter weekend in 1982, continues forward – my own version of what it means to experience "heaven on earth."

Just as William had to overcome early childhood beliefs, in order to love Jesus and himself, Sylvia Alden – choir director for the Prasanthi Christmas adult choir – struggled with beliefs about Jesus that she was taught as a child. She had a healing experience of Divine love in the presence of Sathya Sai Baba that helped her understand how she could live a Christ-like life.

GOD IS PURE LOVE  

Sylvia Alden – USA

I was brought up on a farm in the mid-western part of the United States during the time after the Great Depression and that which preceded the Second World War. Many were struggling to recover from the depression and the fear of the war was strong in our rural community.

My maternal grandparents became born-again Christians and my paternal grandfather was a Congregational minister. Their concept of Jesus, and by extension of God, was of Divine beings one could never expect to please. One could only fear and obey. Love was not emphasised.

As a child, these grandparents and their religious beliefs had a marked and indelible impression on me. My parents also followed these teachings and I wanted very much to please them all. Somehow, I always fell short of the mark.

Jesus became someone who knew everything I did and was marking it down so that come the Day of Judgment, he could tell God all the bad things I had done.

As I was not the most perfectly behaved child, Jesus had a lot on his list. He became someone to fear and dislike. I wondered how Jesus could be so wonderful if he would tell on a little kid.

As part of the religious training that was given to me by my parents and grandparents, I was taught that unless one became a born-again Christian one would be condemned to hell's fire and damnation for all of eternity. There was no other choice.

I loved the hymns that spoke of the love and glory of God. I drew comfort from the music. I convinced others that I was a good Christian. I felt like a hypocrite because my actions were lip service only.

My actions were just for show. I still could not accept the idea that a person who loved Buddha or some other form of God would be headed for hell.

When I married and had children, I was firm in the conviction that my children would not grow up in fear of God. I wanted them to be free of the judgment of the beliefs of others. I doubted that if God/Jesus existed, they really cared what we did. Why else would babies die, people fight in wars, and good people suffer?

As much as I attempted to push God to the back of the closet, He refused to stay there. He showed Himself to me in music and nature.

I loved nature in all its many forms and music was my healing place. The yearning for the Supreme Being that created this beautiful universe and populated it with people of such diversity and beauty grew.

I was searching for what would ring as truth within my heart, a truth that I could share with my children which would allow them to love others irrespective of their religious convictions.

I began to study Eastern religions, starting with the teachings of Aurobindo. His teachings touched a place within that caused the door of my heart to crack open a bit.

I first heard of Sri Sathya Sai Baba in 1972. "Nice," I thought. "There is another saint like Aurobindo." I continued to read and study the wisdom of many Indian saints. Peace was growing in my heart. I studied meditation and even had the temerity to teach meditation classes.

In 1978, I made my first journey to the Beloved Divine Feet of Swami. He looked at me and I knew that He knew everything I had ever said or done, would ever say or do.

And miracle of all miracles, He loved me. He was all that I had ever thought God should or could be – love, pure love. There would never be condemnation or exclusion from Him.

My heart was full to overflowing. God was here on this earth and I had seen Him, talked with Him, felt His touch and I was free from fear and doubt. Joy is too small of a word or concept to express my feelings. I was truly home.

The love that Swami embodies and showers on us all allowed me to revisit my early upbringing. I came to realise that the God/Jesus that I had feared and denied was nothing but the extension of my family's fear and their need to make sense of a world that was lacking love.

Further, their love for me took the form of needing me to be like them, to believe like them and to ensure my going to heaven with them. They didn't want me to burn in hell for eternity.

When I could look at their beliefs from this perspective, I was able to understand them and their actions. My fear and distrust of Jesus receded. My family continued in their beliefs and saw my love for Swami as an indication that I was certainly on my way to hell.

I felt sorry that they were not able to see what I saw in Him. I had felt pure selfless love the likes of which I could not have imagined. It saddened me that they were not able to join me in this glorious journey.

I don't just believe any more – I know that our Beloved Bhagawan is indeed the Father of Jesus as He is the father and mother of all. I also know that since the passing of my parents and grandparents, they will have had the opportunity to see and know Swami as I see and know Him as the embodiment of total love and compassion, the supreme one who created and sustains all. This brings me great comfort and allows me to let go of the sadness that was a large part of my younger life.

What relationship do I have with Jesus now? I see him as an older brother who exemplified complete surrender to God. I look at his dedication to God and am humbled. I no longer think he will give God a list of my misdeeds.

I am grateful that Jesus taught and lived the way of love. I am comfortable with the understanding that for some people Jesus is the only way, just as I am comfortable with the understanding that there is a religion that is suitable for all at whatever stage of spiritual life they may be. My perception of Jesus and what he exemplified has freed me – by his example of unconditional love and obedience – to completely open my heart to his father.

I began to take spiritual matters rather seriously. Even though I had been brought up as a Christian I had stopped going to church. But after this experience I began going to church and reading the Bible. And I became interested in Western philosophy.

I have never seen a contradiction in going to my Christian church and following Sathya Sai Baba. In fact, the more I came to know Baba, the better I became as a Christian. I gradually loved Jesus Christ more so than ever before and I understood the Bible more so as a result of my contact with Baba.

Although Baba has immense power and immense influence, he tells people to stay where they are, be a good Christian, be a good Muslim. This is in agreement with his teachings that there is only one religion, the religion of love. He says he has come to water the roots of all religions, not to uproot them, but to freshen them up.

When I finished my job as High Commissioner, Mrs. Kanu and I engaged ourselves in teaching with the Inner London Education Authority. This is what brought about our active contact with Sathya Sai Baba. In 1980 we came to Puttaparthi to attend the first overseas Bal Vikas teachers training course; we were among the first to be trained on Swami's "Education in Human Values" (EHV) programme. It was an eye-opener after that course. We liked the programme so much that we felt this was the answer for Africa. So we started implementing it in the London schools and gradually our interest in returning back to Africa grew. We saw that this was the programme that could transform, unite and also integrate Africa.

I remember during that interview that my wife was brave enough to ask Baba, "How about funding?" Swami said sell your house; if that is not enough borrow from the banks. We were delighted when he said this to us.

Being brought up as Christians, we remembered the story in the Bible where a rich man went to Jesus and said, "Oh Lord I've done this and I've done that, what else can I do to enter into the kingdom of God?" And Jesus said, "Sell all that you have and give it to the poor and follow me." After Jesus said that, the man ran away.

We didn't want to run away. We were so thrilled that Sathya Sai Baba, whom we believed to be God incarnate, gave us this test and we did exactly what he told us to do.

We were not afraid at all. The country was new to us. But we remembered the stories of other disciples who had gone to distant lands, the Lord was with them and that was all we needed. We knew that Baba was with us throughout.

When he told us to go to Zambia, he did not tell us we would not face difficulties. Difficulties are a part of life and when you are doing God's work you face even more difficulties and more tests. We enjoyed every bit of them; we knew this was the Lord testing us.

Our school in Zambia is called a "Miracle School", first because of its location. The school is in a disadvantaged area of Ndola with very poor infrastructure, very poor roads. We could have built it in the middle of the city, but I sent Mrs. Kanu to ask Baba where to build it and he said to go to a poor area and start with a boy's school. We started the primary school and collected the dropouts as our first students.

This was all part of the Divine plan. When these students took their first national tests, they had top scores. The nation was stunned. How can a school that is located in a village among poor children do so well?

This was the first time in the education of Zambia that they had ever experienced this. So their results were outstanding, their character improved, they became good boys in a short period of time.

This also made a tremendous impact on their families. In one instance, a boy insisted that his father take him to school early in the morning. After dropping the boy to school, the father would report to work.

Within six months the father got a promotion because he was now the first person to show up for work. There was another man who was a managing director who also dropped off his boy and started going to the office early. The late attendance of his employees reduced.

I grew up in mid-America where my mother was a devoted Christian and made sure that my four siblings and I were active in all of the church activities.

I loved going to our Southern Baptist church and wanted all of my friends to go to church. I played the piano at the church, and my mother taught the children's classes and sang in the choir.

Because I had always talked to God personally even from a young age, I had never felt comfortable with the idea that God was a punishing Father and that I had to live a strict life for fear of his wrath. In my early 20's I wanted to explore the world and became disillusioned with the attitudes of the people in our church. I decided to leave the church and focus on my college and career.

I was doing very well in my career and had a lot of worldly success to my credit when, in my early 30's, I had a deep spiritual awakening of the heart while at my brother's marriage. In what seemed like the twinkling of an eye, I had an experience of God's Divine love that changed the course of my life. It was like I experienced what Jesus meant when he said the kingdom of God is within us, in our hearts.

Still apprehensive about getting re-involved with the Christian religion, I began to seek the meaning of spirituality and how to comprehend and live God's will in my daily life. I first pursued metaphysical, new age teachings; and while they opened my mind and heart to new levels of awareness, I felt I needed more.

I then spent many years practising the Buddhist Vipassana meditation where I would go into silence for 10 days at a time. It was in practising this meditation that I discovered how much I loved spiritual teachings that were universal, rather than the more narrow teachings that I had grown up with.

I knew in that moment, from direct experience, that Swami was God incarnate, here to establish the kingdom of divine love within every heart and all of society.

In the year 2000, my husband and I sold or gave away our personal belongings, left our home in the USA and moved to live in the ashram. We initially immersed ourselves in Swami's teachings and the Bhagavad Gita.

We began to devote ourselves to Swami's work, first by writing a programme with another couple from Denmark on Swami's human values for working people.

After moving to India, my sister-in-law, who is a strong Christian with an open mind, began to ask me questions about how Sai Baba's teachings correlated with Jesus' teachings.

I honestly did not know how to answer her questions – once I had left my Christian upbringing, I had no wish to return to the Bible.

My husband, however, was very excited about her questions, as he had found his Christian upbringing had come alive for him after he began following Swami's teachings in 1982.

So we began to read and study the Bible in the evenings and began reading a book we had on the teachings of Christian saints and mystics over the last 2,000 years.

In those early days, I lamented that I would much rather be studying the Bhagavad Gita or Dhammapada than the Bible, but I could intuitively feel Swami prompting us to continue our study and our talks together.

One evening when we were looking at a particularly confusing statement Jesus had made, my husband related it to Swami's teachings and was able to explain it in a simple way. I was amazed.

I said to him, "I could get really excited about studying the Bible if we could rewrite it from this universal perspective based on Swami's teachings."

The next morning I wrote a letter to Swami and then explained to my husband what I was feeling. He felt the same longing as I. We both signed the letter and he took it to Darshan where Swami came to him and readily accepted the letter with a smile. We had no idea what would unfold after Swami took the letter, but we had the full faith that he would somehow answer our prayer.

Months passed, and my husband began writing a series of scripture-based essays about Jesus' teachings that would begin the process of answering the questions that my sister-in-law had asked. I was still not very interested in spending that much focus on the Bible and so I hoped that I could simply edit his essays and not have to get too involved.

One day when Swami was giving a discourse I felt that he was guiding me to stay home from Darshan, although at the time I didn't know why or how long it would last. The next morning I said good-bye to my husband as he left for Darshan and then settled in a chair and asked Swami what he wanted.

His guidance was to focus on the Jesus essays my husband had begun. Over the next week, I began to delve deeply into Jesus' teachings. Using Swami's teachings to guide us, my husband and I began to discover new ways of understanding what Jesus meant.

One morning while I was alone and quietly working on an essay, I heard Swami's voice speak to me, which was very rare, as I usually only received impressions in my mind and had to use my heart and conscience to figure out how to interpret them. But the voice was clear and indisputable: "I've already said everything I need to say about Jesus, and I will show you how to put it together."

I was stunned, and yet the clarity of the words and the impression that was left on my heart and mind was undeniable. I knew that Swami was giving my husband and me the assignment to be his instruments to compile his words about Jesus' life and teachings into the book I had prayed for.

I had no idea where to begin, but Swami guided me every step of the way. He chose every word and every expression exactly as he wanted it to be. In many ways the experience, which lasted five months, was like being in another time and reality. It was as if my husband and I were living, breathing and experiencing what it was like to sit at Jesus' feet and have him tell us first hand who he was and the truth of his teachings.

Once all of his discourse passages were extracted, Swami began to show me how he wanted them to flow in sequence throughout the book and how to integrate them in those instances where he had told the same story with different nuances in different discourses. Throughout this time period, I was having many intimate experiences with Swami as I asked him question after question and he responded with answers to each one.

I had often heard the young men from Swami's university speak about how Swami attends to every detail of their lives and projects. I experienced this same level of Swami attending to every detail of this book, even making sure the grammar was consistent between the translations of the 60's and 70's and those of the 80's and 90's. Furthermore, instead of simply giving us a book to read about Jesus, he gave us the direct experience.

One experience I had was when I was reviewing a full draft of the book and noticed that in the English translation of Swami's discourses they had used the word "treason" instead of "blasphemy" to describe the accusation the Jews made against Jesus. I talked this over with my husband and asked for Swami's guidance to which I felt he approved of us changing the translated word from "treason" to "blasphemy."

After we had completed the transcript, received Swami's blessing of it on Christmas morning 2003, and turned it over to the Sri Sathya Sai Book Trust, we were documenting all of the discourse references when I found another place in the book where the word treason was used.

At first my mind reacted and I felt frustrated that I had not done a full search of the book and replaced it everywhere. But I immediately felt Swami's prompting inside and sat down quietly to ask him if it was okay for us to change the word. I clearly received a "no". I was totally confused. It seemed incorrect to me, and I even argued in my mind to Swami that it should be changed.

Several days later we were speaking to a gentleman from the Book Trust, and my husband was explaining some Christian history about Jesus that I had never learned when I was growing up.

He explained that when the Jews accused Jesus of blasphemy against God, it was not a crime that he could be crucified for. So they took him to the Roman officials and told them that Jesus was asserting himself as the King of the Jews and therefore he should be crucified for treason against the Roman Empire.

He clarified how Jesus always pointed the people to God and not to himself, and that he taught that we are all Divine, children of God, and that God is one. From this experience and with the presence of Swami, I have been able to continue to embrace and delve deeply into Jesus' teachings to understand the underlying purity that is universal to all of humanity.

I can now honestly embrace my Christian upbringing and understand its purpose and meaning in this "Kali-yuga" age of materialism, disillusionment, and violence – something I never dreamed would happen.

Debra came to appreciate how Jesus' life and teachings could enlighten us all and give meaning to our lives. Peter Phipps, author of Sathya Sai Baba and Jesus Christ: A Gospel for the Golden Age, had a dramatic experience of the power and love of Jesus in transforming even the most tragic of circumstances. From this experience, and his devotion to Sathya Sai Baba, he has embraced his mission of preparing Christians for the Second Coming of Christ.

FATHERHOOD OF GOD AND BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

Peter Phipps – New Zealand

(Excerpts from Chapter 1: My Personal Transformation – Sathya Sai Baba and Jesus Christ: A Gospel for the Golden Age)

My origins are within a fairly traditional Christian setting, having been raised as an Anglican, confirmed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Geoffrey Fisher, and having struggled with my faith for years.

At one stage I had applied for admission to Holy Orders (Anglican terminology for ordination as a priest), and came within six weeks of admission to theological college before a letter from my vicar to the bishop led to an abandonment of these plans.